Allow me to introduce you to my new, old loves. I have had a crush on knee-high, lace-up Doc Martens boots since I was a teenager. It was mostly a secret, unrequited longing, however. I was not a particularly edgy youth. I certainly wouldn’t have qualified as punk. I was a “good girl.” I kept curfew. I cleaned my room. My mother used to say she wished she had ten of me.
She didn’t know back then about the four packs of Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers I would drink with Sue McNeil in the back of our friend Frank’s red T-1000, listening to Def Leppard’s Pyromania on cassette. What a rebel.
So, yeah. I probably would have looked a little ridiculous wearing these awesome icons of angst back then. I did eventually get a pair of the classic oxfords in cool funky green, but that was after I had already gotten a divorce. And a tattoo. And become, apparently, a walking cliche.
And now, here I am, twenty years later, struggling happily to pull the laces through 20 eyes, marveling at how comfy they are, imagining how they will look with the black and blue babydoll dress I just picked up at Goodwill, and wondering if I will actually be brave enough to wear them into the classroom.
And, honestly, also worrying that I have just walked into the Next Great Cliche: Mother at Midlife, trying to hold on to youth, to a hipness she never really had.
Do I look silly? Maybe. But here’s another question: do I care?
I don’t think I do. Maybe a little silly is exactly what I need as a 40 year old mother of young kids. Maybe it’s what I need to keep my spirits up in this awful job market. In the face of all the rotten crap going on in the world.
Or maybe, instead, I’m just a little bit fierce here in my 40s. Maybe I earned these kick ass boots and it’s only now that I’ve lived through my 20s and 30s that I have the experience and attitude needed to wear them–to “rock them,” as my friend Carla says.
Yep. Silly and fierce. That’s me.
Think I’ll keep ’em.
Bartles & Jaymes image courtesy of http://www.liketotally80s.com/80s-commercials-bj.html